I am not alone

Something's been eating at me for a few weeks now.  Three Sundays ago I was asked to share an experience or time in my life when I felt my Savior's love for me in Relief Society.  I was honest and shared two very personal experiences when I knew without a doubt my Savior was with me, carrying me and strengthening me.  But when I sat down I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness.  I had cheated myself and those in the room.  I had shared those same experiences in a talk I gave at Young Women's in Excellence.  Although only three or four people in the room had been in attendance when I had previously shared those experiences, I felt like I had let them down.  I had denied them the opportunity to learn more about me and to let them know that I knew the Savior has touched my live since those experiences have happened.  But I was afraid.  The experience that initially came to mind felt too recent, too raw, too exposing. 

I have been thinking about this a lot, and then I read something on another blog today and this hit me so hard.  Maybe someone else would have benefited from hearing my experience that burned to be told.  Maybe there was someone going through a similar situation that could have related.  Maybe, I would have strengthened a friendship or made a new friendship by letting others see into my soul.  I have been so guarded in the thoughts I express and the way that I interact with others because I am afraid of judgement or being misunderstood.  And the result is I haven't made connections with as many people as I would have liked and those I have made friendships with, I feel I have short-changed.  I'm truly sorry for that, because by not being open myself I may not have allowed others to feel like they could share with me.  Relationships of all kinds require give and take.  I have been happy to take others' stories, but reluctant to give my own.  I didn't want to have this one thing define who I am, but in a way by not talking or letting others see there is more to me, I have let just that happen.  Hopefully I am not the only one who is constantly in need of reevaluating who I am, what my self-worth is.  Or maybe I really am that slow of a learner. 

I still don't quite know my purpose, but I do know this.  I know that my Heavenly Father and my Savior are aware of me.  I have seen miracles in my life, from the seemingly small to the extraordinary and every one of them has softened my heart and reminded me that I am of worth, that I am His daughter and He is aware of me and that my brother and Savior suffered for me, not only for my sins, but for my sorrows as well.  I know that He cries when I cry and His heart hurts when I am hurting.  I feel His love for me.  So even as I struggle with trials I know I am not alone.  And my circle of comfort could be larger, if I would open myself and let others in.  I don't have to carry these burdens on my own.  My Savior helps make the burdens on my back lighter, but that load would be even less if I would let others put their arms around me and help lift me up.  So to those of you who have tried, I thank you for not giving up.  I'm trying to do and be better.