I am not alone

Something's been eating at me for a few weeks now.  Three Sundays ago I was asked to share an experience or time in my life when I felt my Savior's love for me in Relief Society.  I was honest and shared two very personal experiences when I knew without a doubt my Savior was with me, carrying me and strengthening me.  But when I sat down I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness.  I had cheated myself and those in the room.  I had shared those same experiences in a talk I gave at Young Women's in Excellence.  Although only three or four people in the room had been in attendance when I had previously shared those experiences, I felt like I had let them down.  I had denied them the opportunity to learn more about me and to let them know that I knew the Savior has touched my live since those experiences have happened.  But I was afraid.  The experience that initially came to mind felt too recent, too raw, too exposing. 

I have been thinking about this a lot, and then I read something on another blog today and this hit me so hard.  Maybe someone else would have benefited from hearing my experience that burned to be told.  Maybe there was someone going through a similar situation that could have related.  Maybe, I would have strengthened a friendship or made a new friendship by letting others see into my soul.  I have been so guarded in the thoughts I express and the way that I interact with others because I am afraid of judgement or being misunderstood.  And the result is I haven't made connections with as many people as I would have liked and those I have made friendships with, I feel I have short-changed.  I'm truly sorry for that, because by not being open myself I may not have allowed others to feel like they could share with me.  Relationships of all kinds require give and take.  I have been happy to take others' stories, but reluctant to give my own.  I didn't want to have this one thing define who I am, but in a way by not talking or letting others see there is more to me, I have let just that happen.  Hopefully I am not the only one who is constantly in need of reevaluating who I am, what my self-worth is.  Or maybe I really am that slow of a learner. 

I still don't quite know my purpose, but I do know this.  I know that my Heavenly Father and my Savior are aware of me.  I have seen miracles in my life, from the seemingly small to the extraordinary and every one of them has softened my heart and reminded me that I am of worth, that I am His daughter and He is aware of me and that my brother and Savior suffered for me, not only for my sins, but for my sorrows as well.  I know that He cries when I cry and His heart hurts when I am hurting.  I feel His love for me.  So even as I struggle with trials I know I am not alone.  And my circle of comfort could be larger, if I would open myself and let others in.  I don't have to carry these burdens on my own.  My Savior helps make the burdens on my back lighter, but that load would be even less if I would let others put their arms around me and help lift me up.  So to those of you who have tried, I thank you for not giving up.  I'm trying to do and be better. 

You Better Not Cry!

Last night we had a wonderful Christmas party at Oma and Opa's house.  Ainsley was so sad to leave and she was crying really hard.  We thought turning on music would help.  It happened to be Justin Bieber's Christmas album.  Porter has that thing memorized.  He was getting really frustrated that Ainsley wouldn't stop crying.  After a couple songs he said, "Turn it to number 4!"  That song is Santa Cluas is Coming to Town.  Porter started singing along and he turned and sang to Ainsley "You better watch out, you better not cry."  But she kept on crying.  Porter, in a very exasperated voice said, "Well that didn't work!"  Chant and I were dying laughing.  Towards the end of the song Ainsley started to calm down and when she finally quit crying Porter threw his fist in the air Rocky Style and said, "Finally!"  Oh he was cracking us up!  Love that little boy!

Pumpkins!

 Ainsley had to bring a pumpkin decorated with a character from her favorite book to school.  Right now her favorite book is "Pete Rocking in My School Shoes."  Chant worked his magic and he was able to draw the cat and his guitar and Ainsley painted it. 

 Porter didn't want his pumpkin "cut" so he painted.  Layer upon layer of different colors that all ended up looking kind of gray with a smear of red.  But he was havin fun.

 Miss Brinn went the traditional route.  She even helped cut it.  First she designed it with a marker and then they carved.

 After Ainsley finished her pumpkin for school, she went to town on her pumpkin from the pumpkin patch.  She only painted too.  Mr. Pumpkin has spots all over it.  I love how it looks like the pumpkin has hands.

And my sweet girl ready to take her "Pete the Cat" to school.  Love this picture! 

My Two Front Teeth

Two teeth in two days, this little lady can now sing "All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth."  Of course Grandpa had to ask if she's been kissing the boys.  She just giggled and said, "Yep, my Daddy!"

Witches and Pumpkins

 Last weekend we took advantage of the good weather and went on a witch hunt at Gardner Village.  There is a list of 15 different witches to find and after finding them all, they get a free cookie.  We are ready to go hunting!

 This was Brinnley's favorite:  a witch talking on her eye phone. 

 Love Porter's cheeser smile.  They had a great time. 

 Next stop was the pumpkin patch.  Brinnley was on the search for a pumpkin that had different colors.  She finally chose one with green.  Porter had to have one he could pick up himself.  Funny boy.  So his is smaller.  But that's what he wanted and he was happy. 

 At the top of the hay stack.

It was an awesome, busy day.

Caramel Apples and Spooky Lunches

 This month has been a lot of fun!  A couple weeks ago we spent Friday night making caramel apples.  We drizzled white and milk chocolate on them then added candies on top.  They were definitely works of art. 

 The kids got invited to a "Spooky Lunch" by their friends, Olivia and Caleb.  Ainsley wanted to be Hannah Montana and Brinnley is Miley Cyrus.  They have the attitude to pull it off for sure.  Love these spunky girls!  Porter's lunch was the next day, so he didn't have his costume on.  But the Little Prince is ready for Halloween.

 

A Good Friend

 Brinnley was awarded the Principal's Pride award this month.  This month's award was for friendship.  That was the perfect thing for Brinnley.  She is a wonderful friend, always caring and concerned about others.  I am so proud of my girl and I love her so much! 

Crazies

 So I'm WAY behind but I thought these pictures were funny so I had to share.  September was crazy hair day at school.  I braided their hair the night before and took it out the next day.  I thought it was pretty awesome looking!