Packing Up

I'm sitting here tonight in my quiet living room surrounded by packed boxes and the odds and ends waiting to put into boxes that will be labeled "Random."  After 3 years and almost 8 months of living in Utah, we are moving again.  This time the destination is Washington.

As I look back over the past three years and eight months, I just feel overwhelming gratitude and love for my Savior.  These years have not been easy for me.  In the moment, I often felt overwhelmed and just survived on hope and faith that tomorrow would bring change and the positive results I hoped and prayed for.  Nothing has gone as I have planned or thought that it would.  As hard as things were, I only experienced a few days where I broke down and asked "Why?"  But my why was never a "why me?" but rather a "why is this happening; what is the purpose of this?"  Although I still can't answer that question, maybe the specifics don't matter as much as I thought they did.  As I sit here facing this new chapter of my life, rather than wonder why we went through what we did, all I can see are the blessings that have come from the hurt and the trials.  And they are oh so many!  SOO many!

I have seen miracles, things that might not mean much to someone else but that meant everything to me.  Little tender mercies that showed my Heavenly Father was aware of me.

I have learned what it is to have overwhelming conviction in a decision or believe and then how it feels to defend that conviction.

I have felt anger and frustration so strong I shook and then the comfort, peace, and love of my Savior as I handed that anger and hurt over to him and let it go.

I have known what it is to feel lonely.  But I have learned that sometimes it takes opening myself up and sharing my feelings and thoughts to let others in.  

I have felt the healing power of the written word as I have poured my thoughts and heart onto volumes of journals and written poems, and even attempted to write a book in order to express how I felt.  Those writings have allowed me find my voice.  And it has gotten stronger.  It may still shake and I may still fidget, but I am becoming more confident.  But it is also through writing that I have been able to reflect on my experiences and truly see that there was a plan, that Heavenly Father did have a path for me and my family.  I can see events clicking together to create our own Yellow Brick Road that now lies before us.  

I have learned to be patient.  The Lord's time is not always my time.  But sometimes, it is.  And that is a beautiful moment.

I have learned to a whole new level what it is to have faith and trust in the Lord.  Which is why, now, when we are making a leap in location and job, I feel only peace and joy.  I don't have the specific answers to my why's yet, but I do know this.  My path may not be one I would have chosen for myself, but I wouldn't change it for a thing!  Because it is through the trials of our faith that we learn and grow the fastest.  And what a learning curve this has been!  But I feel at peace knowing that wherever life takes me, as long as I listen to the promptings of the Spirit and follow the answers to prayers I receive, I will be led where I belong.  My heart is full of thanksgiving and I am ready to embrace this next adventure.  There will surely be rain but hopefully a few rainbows too!  (And maybe some cute rain boots!)