Acknowledgements

One of the things I always do before starting a new book is go to the acknowledgements page.  Recently I have seen authors mentioning other authors.  I've been thinking about writing a lot lately, all the different types of writing avenues there are and how a person goes about actually writing something.  How cool would it be to call up a published author and ask for advice, on a peer level.  To be friends in a way that would warrant an acknowledgement.  My mind cannot even comprehend how amazing it would be to have these types of people as friends.  I think it would be beyond awesome to go to some sort of book convention and listen to writers talk, to be able to see what they are like as a person.  When I am reading a book I always kind of have this image in my head as to what that author is like.  Is Morgan Matson really as all around amazing  as I picture her being?  Cynthia Hand and I would have a lot to talk about I think since she seems to be so familiar with my neck of the woods (Jackson Hole, Idaho Falls).  If I ever got a chance to talk to Lindsey Leavitt, I can picture the conversation being filled with laughter.  And lots of gushing from me.  About Sean Griswold's head.  Lisa Schroeder, I don't even know if I'd be able to say much.  I'd just sit there in awe with my mouth hanging open I'm sure.  Anyone who can write four amazing books all in verse has to be pretty creative and brilliant.

I was recently reading a blog post (http://familyvolley.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-i-got-my-groove-back.html) about finding your groove again.  I admit it.  I think I've lost mine.  While I was reading this blog post all about the journey she took to help her find her groove again, I was feeling both sad and hopeful.  I am sad that somewhere along the way I lost me.  Don't get me wrong, I love my life.  I love my husband and my children.  I love my role as a wife and mother.  But sometimes I feel like I'm missing something.  I'm so much different that I was when I graduated high school or when I first got married.  And that's okay.  But I miss some of the things I have left behind.  Recently I was reading a book called Pilgrimage by Annie Leibovitz.  This book was so moving to me.  I don't even know how to describe how I felt when I was reading it.  She has mixed photography and history and made it into something beautiful.  She photographed homes or personal things of authors, presidents, and other  influential individuals and told their story through these photographs.  One of the photos was of one of Marian Anderson’s dresses from the mid-forties.  It was a beautiful dress and I could feel it telling a story, one I didn't know, but wanted to.  So I Googled Marian Anderson and I came across a video clip of her singing on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in 1939.  It was beautiful and moving and it led me to do more research about her, finding out that the reason she was singing on the steps is because as an African American she was not allowed to sing inside Constitution Hall.  I got so excited about all these things I was learning that I had to call my mom and share it all with her.  I went on an on.  I'm sure I was boring her, but she listened anyway.  But I felt something inside me spark.  It reminded me of how I felt my freshman year of college sitting among my friends, Margaret and Marshall, discussing themes for our American history final.  Oh we had some great debates!  I felt a passion for what I was talking about and I loved hearing their ideas just as much.  I loved my history classes!  I loved writing those essays.  Even the final exam that took me over 4 hours to take because it was all essays.  I felt proud of what I had written.  I felt conviction and passion about the words on those pages.

Maybe that's what I miss most, the gaining of  knowledge and sharing and discussing it with others.  Although running through mud (see about mentioned blog post) certainly wouldn't help me get my groove back, I do feel hope that someday I will get there.  Who knows, maybe all I need to do is look up the next blogging conference in the SLC area.  Bloggers as well as authors and photographers all share their ideas and feelings.  They all make me think and feel.  And apparently they make me want to write my own really long and rambling blog posts.  And maybe one day I will be writing my own acknowledgement page telling these authors whose books I devour thank you for helping me find my own voice and for providing me with friends on the page who felt just as real to me as any living person.  Maybe I'll be saying thank you to the photographs who helped me learn to look deeper and see more than what is one the surface.  And maybe, long shot, but maybe I might finally know if Morgan really is as cool as I think she is or if Lindsey really is that funny.

P.S.
This just so happens to be my 400th blog post.